Missing
by GetUrJollies
Summary: I knew where I was. I deserved to be in this place. This was a place for boys who displeased their parents and upset their friends. This was Hell. Johnny/Ponyboy. I'M BACK!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

**Johnny's POV**

I limped my way through the rain to the Curtis home for refuge on Monday November 5, 1954. I just got beat by my father and this one had been especially brutal. He hadn't beaten me so badly in weeks. As I made my way to the Curtis house I could feel my blood oozing down legs, chin and bare back. My sides hurt and I could feel my left eye and lips swelling. I was pretty dizzy too; I couldn't seem to walk in a straight line.

The rain pelted me and I started to shiver violently. It was deep into fall and pouring, which made it worse. I usually would have a t-shirt and my jeans jacket but my father had ripped them off in the heat of beating me.

I was really getting tired of my parents and thought about running away but I didn't dwell on it because I finally arrived at the Curtis home.

I stepped onto the porch and took a deep breath which had pain shooting through my ribs. I winced and wanted to just go and lay down on the couch but out of courtesy I peeked through the window to make sure a light was still on first. Darry always told me I didn't have to do this but I did anyway, it just felt like the necessary thing to do.

The living room light was still on so I knew it was alright to go in. I went to the door and took in a shuddering breath. My ribs popped and rattled and had another sharp pain stabbing me in the side. I quietly pushed the door open and my breath caught painfully in my throat when I saw who was sitting on the couch. It was Ponyboy.

I had been avoiding Ponyboy lately because back in Windrixville I started to feel weird when I was around him. I started to have dreams and started to look at him differently as I spent more and more time with him. It was when I was in the hospital with a burnt back I had realized I was in love with him. He had come to the hospital everyday to visit me and stayed for hours to keep me company. It meant a lot to me that he did that and I appreciated it, but it didn't help the feelings at all. It made them worse.

When I got out of the hospital I started to avoid him. I knew it hurt his feelings but it was for his own good. If he knew that I had these unnatural feelings for him he would hate me. I couldn't bear for him to hate me so I avoided eye contact and conversation with him. This was the first time in a while I was in the same room as him.

Ponyboy was sitting on the couch reading a book silently under the lamp light when I came in. He didn't notice me but that was just like Pony to get caught up in a book and not notice what's happening around him. I wanted to get out when my heart started to speed up like it always did when I was around him. I almost made it out the door when my ribs popped again and my breath turned into a painful wheeze.

Pony's head snapped up and he closed his book. He got off the couch and hurried toward me. He looked me up and down taking in my blood soaked jeans and naked torso.

"Oh Johnny…" Ponyboy said as he stepped closer to me and scooped me up into his arms. Ever since we got back from Windrixville Pony has been working out with the passion Darry used to have. He went from slightly bigger than me to being noticeably bigger than me. He changed so much.

"What happened to you Johnnycake?" He asked as he carried me to the couch then gently laid me down.

I winced when my back hit the cushion and I could tell by the way his brow furrowed he noticed.

"My dad got me." I whispered as my face heated up from all the attention.

Pony's face got red with anger; he always got mad when he heard my father was beating me.

"I'm gonna go get Darry." He growled then got up and walked down the hall.

I layed there alone for a while. Bruises started to form on my chest and stomach and I started to shiver. I wanted to just curl up and go to sleep and I was about to doze off when Darry and Pony walked into the room.

Darry walked in with his first-aid kit and a sympathetic smile. Behind him came Ponyboy stalking into the room with a dark aura about him. I could tell he was fuming by the way his forehead wrinkled and the way his brow was set. His face was slightly flushed too.

"Okay Johnny. What happened?" Darry asked. He came forward and knelt down in front of the couch next to me.

"My dad got a' hold of me and kicked me around a bit – ah!" I let out a slight cry when a whole new pain ran through my mid-section.

Ponyboy came from behind Darry and lifted me slightly; I didn't know what he was doing until I saw he was holding his pillow in his other hand. He tucked the pillow under my head then gently laid me back down. I tried to smile up at him but it just came across as a grimace.

"A bit, huh?" Darry chuckled bitterly. "It looks like he kicked you around _half to death… _Alright Johnnycake I'm gonna press on places around your chest. Tell me where it hurts."

Darry started to press two fingers to various areas on my torso. He started with my collarbone, pressing across each clavicle three times each. Then he went down to my sternum in the middle of my chest and besides a couple of bruise here and there it was all good. It was when he got to my ribs it was bad.

He started at the top two ribs on each side; those were pretty sore but nothing unbearable. The third ribs down were a different story.

He pressed down on them and the bones popped and grinded together. I cried out in pain and feel the sting of tears in my eyes. Darry pressed down a second time and I couldn't help the whimper that escaped my throat, the tears spilt over.

Pony stepped closer and stroked my hair like he always used to do but this time it had me turning scarlet

Darry sighed making me snap my eyes away from Ponyboy's face.

"I think he broke them," Darry in a slightly exasperated, anger filled tone, "and those cuts on your back and legs and that one on your lip looks pretty bad…"

I shot up so fast it had painful black blotches dancing across my vision. Ponyboy gently guided me back down.

It took me a second to catch my breath. "I can't go to the hospital!" I rasped out desperately, staring up at them.

"But Johnny," Ponyboy said, worry laced into his tone, "this looks pretty bad."

I couldn't seem to talk above a hoarse whisper. "If I go to the hospital my dad will surely find out and he will beat me worse than before."

Darry sighed again in defeat. "Alright then Johnny. I can rap you up and clean your cuts and that's the best I can do. Sit up."

Ponyboy sat down on the couch and slid one arm around my shoulder, helping me sit up straight. Right then I was thankful for my dark skin because my cheeks felt like they were on fire. Darry rapped a bandage around me then had me lay on my stomach.

When I settled down onto my stomach I heard both of them hiss and Pony growl, "He would go for the burns."

"I'm gonna rub disinfectant on them." Darry warned before I heard the slosh of the medicine bottle and he put the alcohol covered cloth on my torn up back.

I hissed in pain from the sting because gosh that hurt! It hurt worse than the actual cuts themselves. After a couple of minutes I was covered in bandages I had five on my leg, six on my back, gauze wrapped around my middle, a bandage on my lip and a bandage covering my eye. I had fallen into this half conscious state when he had patched me up because the next thing I knew someone was shaking me awake.

"Okay Johnny, I don't want you sleeping on this couch in this kinda condition. I'll sleep on it and you can sleep in my bed." It was Darry.

I felt two arms slide under me then lift me up. From the way the arms were some muscular and the way they held me so securely I expected them to be Darry's but when I opened my eyes it was Pony who was carrying me to bed. Again my cheeks temperature went up a few degrees.

Soon Pony layed me on Darry's bed and walked out. Just like that he walked out. He didn't stay for a while and talk like I expected him to and for a second I thought he had seen it. I thought he saw how I had blushed and sputtered when he touched or looked at me or talked to me. So I laid there for maybe an hour or two, wide awake, afraid I had completely alienated my best friend.

At about midnight I was shaken awake by two milky white hands.

"Johnny!" Was the whisper that was hissed in my ear. "Johnny wake up! I gotta talk to you."

It took me a second to realize it was Ponyboy and when I did I was confused. Pony usually slept like a log, if he needed to talk it at this time of night there was something big on his mind. I rubbed my eyes and sat up to make room for him to sit next to me. He took the invitation and slid under the covers with me.

"What's going on Pony?" I asked genuinely concerned about him. He furrowed his brow at the question as if I was supposed to know and there was a nagging feeling in my gut that I did.

He didn't beat around the bush when answered. "Why have you been avoiding me?"

That was it. That was the one question I could not answer. Just the thought had the hairs on the back of my neck standing up and goose bumps forming on my forearms. I looked at him and gulped. How was I supposed to answer that? Sure I wanted to tell him but what would happen if I did? Would he feel the same way or would he hate me? This question had been plaguing me for months and the thought of having it answered was undoubtedly alluring.

I continued to stare at him with wide eyes and he stared back with narrowed ones. I clamped my hands together trying to control the adrenaline pumping through my veins because I knew what I had to do. I had known a long time and didn't even try to act on it. I was afraid. I was afraid of all the possibilities and outcomes that could happen from this whole situation.

I continued to contemplate for a moment and for a couple of seconds I forgot all about Pony. I refocused on him to see that his forehead was wrinkled, just like earlier, and I knew he was irritated and getting impatient.

I took a deep breath and summoned all the courage I had and spoke. "Um Ponyboy… If I tell you something… do you promise not to get mad?" He looked confused now but nodded assurance.

"Okay… well…" I took a long blinking moment, you could almost hear the crickets in the background. "The reason I have been avoiding ya is… well… it's because I love you Pony."

The wrinkle on his forehead deepened and I thought: How could he be confused?

"Well, I love you too Johnny. You're like my third brother." His smile was lopsided and slightly unsure.

I sighed, slightly dejected. "No that's not what I meant." I looked down at my lap. "I love you more than a buddy or a brother should… I-I'm _in_ love with you Pone." I sucked in a shuddered breath and looked up.

His face was slack and his eyes were wide. His skin had taken a reddish hue and he didn't move, he sat stick still. I started to shake and my abdomen turned into ice because I knew this was one of those negative responses and it would lead to a negative outcome. I had lost him as soon as I said 'love'.

My eyes started to sting and I just couldn't sit in that room anymore so I got up and ran. Well it wasn't exactly running considering I was smarting all over but it was the fastest way I could travel, an unsteady jog.

I didn't look back as I ran, I just ran to the only other place I could go. I didn't care that it was still raining and I didn't care that I didn't have a jacket; I just had to get away. I made it to the lot in about fifteen minutes.

I trudge through the soaked grass to the only tree in the vacant piece of land and sat under it. The leaves clattered noisily and the water off the ground seeped through my jeans but I didn't care, I just had myself a good long cry.

My tears came out hot and silently, I didn't bawl because I hurt too much, this was a different kind of pain. I cried so much I made myself tired and soon I got drowsy and leaned against the tree trunk.

It was almost dawn and I was about to doze off when to strong hands grabbed me and yanked me to my feet, I yelped in surprise. I didn't know who it was because they had a mask on. I learned there was two of them when one held my arms behind my back and the other one took to kicking me in my already sore ribs.

I cried in pain when I felt a sickening crack under the guys' foot and I tried to yank myself away from my captor but their grip was like iron. I struggled and flailed and bucked but they wouldn't budge. They beat me harder than my father, each taking turns getting a crack at me and after a while they didn't need to hold me back because I was reduced to a sobbing heap on the ground.

I was in pain and I was tired. I wanted to go back to the Curtis home and just crawl under the covers with Pony and just act like nothing happened, but I knew I was in too deep.

The beating went on for minutes that seemed like hours. Long torturous, grueling hours. Finally one of them picked up a piece of pipe and knocked me over the head putting me out of my misery. I lost consciousness.

I faintly remembered being dragged across the grass and gravel before I was thrown into what seemed like the trunk of a car and feeling the motor start.

**Ponyboy's POV**

I'm so stupid! How could I be so damn stupid! Johnny told me he loved me and I had to be so slow and not react. He took it the wrong way and ran right out of the house. I was starting to think everyone was right. I really didn't use my head.

I had been so shocked. I didn't think Johnny swung that way and it surprised me that he had just came out and said it. I love him back of course. I thought it was pretty obvious but no one seemed to notice.

I knew he couldn't run far but I was really starting to worry. After he had ran and I came back to earth I ran to wake up Darry and Soda. They called up Dally, Steve and Two-bit and we started a search party. After an hour of searching we even called up Tim Shepherd and he gruffly answered 'he hadn't seen the kid anywhere he might see'.

I went to his house, to the park, and now I was at the lot. He was nowhere to be found. Sodapop assured me we would find him soon but I just couldn't stop shaking and I felt as if I might bawl. We were all searching the lot trying to find any sign of Johnny. We all came up empty until Dally found the skid marks of tires on the neighboring rode.

"It was an expensive car," Steve said kneeling down next to Soda trying to identify the type of car, "only the big wigs with big money show up at the DX with this kinda wall."

As soon as he said it dread pooled at the bottom of my stomach and the answer seemed to hang in the air around everyone's head. We all knew what _might_ have happened to Johnny. It was just one word. Soc.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

**Ponyboy's POV**

We looked everywhere. We double checked his house, the lot and the park then we started to search less obvious places like the train station, the train tracks and the drive-in. We even went all the way to Windrixville but Johnny was nowhere to be found.

I was really starting to worry myself gray headed. I missed him too. You gotta remember that I love him back and I was afraid he went off and got himself hurt.

When we had gone to his house to look, Soda and I had to climb through the window and the rest of the gang hid outside so Johnny's parents didn't see any of us.

Soda had looked under Johnny's bed and at the windows to see if any of the locks had been picked. I checked his closet and didn't find anything so I decided to go outside of his room.

"What are you doing?" Soda hissed when he saw me open the door.

"I'm going to look if they have him out there somewhere." I was about out the door, and staring back at my brother in defiance.

"Johnny wouldn't want you goin' out there while his folks are here."

My breath caught in my throat. What Johnny wanted, huh? I bet my whole life that Johnny had wanted me to tell him my feelings instead of getting him into all this trouble. I bet he wanted me to say _I love you_ back, just like I did but was too stupid and chicken to say it.

I could feel the sting behind my eyes and I knew they were blood shot by the way Soda's forehead creased.

"Well, Johnny's not here." My voice sounded strange. It was hoarse and whispery; I was getting too upset. "And he needs my help. And I gotta find him!"

Soda came forward and rapped me in a hug. "I know Pony… I know."

It took me a second to my breathing under control. "I'm goin' out there anyway." With that I unraveled myself from Soda's arms and walked out.

I crept down the hall and into the living room. It smelt strongly of marijuana and alcohol and I felt my stomach tighten. I wonder if Johnny had been beaten badly and that's why I haven't seen him. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and hot tears rush forward to my eyes.

I continued to tip-toe my way toward the light that was given off by the TV. I could hear someone clanking bottles in the kitchen and someone else snoring loudly on the couch.

I rounded the corner and there I was, in the living room. My eyes met the form of the snorer on the couch, who was surrounded by cigarette butts and empty beer bottles. My face scrunched in disgust. What a pig!

I took a deep breath and my eyes scanned the floor, hoping for but afraid of seeing a bloodied and unconscious Johnny on the floor. And to my relief and disappointment he wasn't there. I turned to leave when I saw something familiar out of the corner of my eye.

I quickly turned to see something that brought tears to my eyes. Johnny's jeans jacket and ripped t-shirt were lying on the floor mere feet away from me. I ran to them and gathered them up in my arms. I buried my face in them and inhaled deeply taking in his sweet scent. I could feel a painful lump forming in my throat. I had to hold my breath to control the sobs that came rushing up my throat.

I got up and walked as quietly as I could with shaky legs and a sob stuck in my throat. I finally made it back to Johnny's room where Soda was waiting for me. He looked as if he wanted to say something but his mouth shut when he saw the fresh tears rolling down my face. Soda put his hand on my back and gently led me back to the window where we had climbed in.

When we got to the ground the gang emerged from the foliage with hope evident on their facial expressions.

"So?" Dally asked, probably ready to break in and bring Johnny out.

I sobbed again and shook my head. Everyone saw Johnny's jacket and t-shirt clutched in my hands and their faces fell.

That night I lay crying again. I was furious with myself. I should be out finding Johnny instead of laying in bad crying about it. Johnny being missing was my fault anyway. I didn't know why I was so damned stupid.

Soda had come in and slung his arm across my neck. "Don't worry Pone. We'll find him. He'll be okay."

He'll be okay? Then why did I fall asleep, Johnny's jacket still clutched in my hands, to be plagued with nightmares. I dreamed of blood, tire marks, darkness and the woods…

**Johnny's POV**

I woke up with a groan. I was smarting and aching all over. I could feel dried blood on my temple and my head throbbed. I reached up to rub a kink in my neck and realized there was something locked snuggly around it.

I opened my eyes and found I was in the middle of the woods lying in a bed of twigs and leaves. My breath quickened and I tugged on the strap around my neck. I heard something jingling each time I pulled. I turned to see that whatever was on my neck was attached to a chain that was wrapped around a tree. I was on a leash! It started to get hard to breathe. I hurried to the tree to see if it would come loose but it was padlocked and wouldn't budge.

I leaned against the tree in defeat. Oh well, I thought, I have nothing to go back to anyway. I guess it would be best if I died out here. After an hour of sitting there I started to doze when a foot hit me hard in the stomach.

"You're not allowed to sleep greaser!" I heard a voice snarl. I didn't have to look up to know that it was the person who attacked me yesterday. I could see their expensive shoes as I was doubled over trying to get my breath back.

They didn't waste any time with small talk. When I was still knelt over one of my captors grabbed my right wrist and yanked my hand up. I looked up, my breath hitching and unhitching. Dread ran up my torso and through my stomach and branched out through my limbs.

The one holding my hand up was smiling at me devilishly through his mask as he switched out a blade.

"I'm not gonna lie, grease," the stranger said, "this is gonna hurt."

He started to bring the knife closer and closer to my hand.

"No… no!" I didn't know what he was going to do but I knew it was gonna be horrible. I tried to get up but the other guy was holding me down now and I tried to pull away but the guys grip was tight.

I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth when he brought the knife to my pinky fingernail. With a fast movement he plunged the blade under my nail then ripped it back out. The pain was a shock; I went stiff and my eyes blown wide.

Each and every nerve was on fire up and down my arm. My knuckle twitched and I could feel hot tears willing their way out of my eyes.

Before I had time to process it he went to my ring finger and shoved the knife underneath the fingernail. I grunted and squeezed my eyes shut. The blood started to trickle down my palm and drip to the ground. He pulled the knife out and chuckled when he saw my reaction.

"Let me hear you scream greaser." That was the warning I got before he plunged the switchblade into my middle finger.

I whimpered but didn't scream, I didn't want to give them the satisfaction. The whimper got louder though. He kept the knife in longer than the other two and wiggled it around. I was on my hand and knees, my breath coming in harsh pants.

He pulled the knife out then pushed it roughly into my index finger. My hand burned and my skin tightened around my body in agony. I wanted it to stop. I wanted the pain to go away. I wanted Ponyboy to save me. Pony always knew how to make me feel better. But even if he did know where I was he wouldn't come. He was disgusted with me.

The torturer pushed the knife farther into my finger. My sobs were long, drawn out and pitiful.

"Scream for me!" He commanded before he shoved the knife under my thumb nail.

I didn't scream but I sobbed. My whole arm hurt and my head pounded. I wished I would've died in the hospital with my burns. All of this wouldn't have happened. I deserved to die.

"I said scream!" The man was mad now. He wiggled the knife down as far as it would then yanked it up, taking the fingernail with it. I did scream this time. It was long and blood curdling. It hurt my throat.

"That's it." Said the man in satisfaction. Then the guy holding me up dropped me and they circled me like predators.

I curled in on myself with my hand against my chest. Blood trickled from my hand down my arm. I sobbed as I layed there. I sobbed so loud it sounded like screams.

I was hoping it was over and they would leave but they had other ideas. The one that had been holding me down grabbed me by the hair and yanked me up. He flipped out his own switchblade.

"My turn." He smiled sweetly. My eyes widened in terror. "I think you need a haircut."

With that he yanked my hair and cut it. It didn't hurt as bad but I continued to lay there and sob. I was relieved when it was done.

They left me there, bleeding on the forest floor. Until I drifted into a half conscious state. In this state I almost convinced myself that Ponyboy loved me and would find me. Almost.

* * *

I'm sorry if this sucks too much. I hope you liked it! - Janie


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**Johnny's POV**

I watched them as they walked away, leaving me bloody and battered on the ground, on my leash. I could barely keep me eyes open and my body pleaded me to relax and rest but I couldn't, these guys put the fear in me and I didn't doubt for a second that they could do worse. This is the second day I've been in these woods and they've already broken me beyond repair.

I would always find myself trying to stand on my broken ankles in the middle of the night to seek out somebody who wasn't there. I was always calling out for Ponyboy then I would remember he hated me and he wasn't around so I would fall to the ground, which wasn't that big of a fall because I couldn't stand on my ankles considering they were shattered, and just cry there the whole night. I found myself hallucinating too. I would hear voices and yells and car engines but I would just tell myself I was hearing things because I was in the middle of the woods, far away from civilization. My hearing was muddled anyway, it was probably just some animals and my head was playing tricks on me but I still got my hopes up for them only to be crushed when my torturers came in the morning then again in the afternoon.

Most of the time the torture and agony would be too painful and too humiliating to scream or cry. Like just now they had just gotten done carving words in to my skin, the cuts weren't deep enough to kill or bleed me to death but they would leave scars. They were the most evil and degrading words too. They had carved 'faggot' and 'queer' on my forearms, 'bitch' and 'pussy' on my biceps, and 'hood' on my chest and 'greaser 'on my back between my shoulder blades. They had laughed tauntingly at me through the whole procedure telling me that if I lived those words would be etched into my skin forever. I had shook and quivered under their blade when they had said 'if', meaning they might let me live, they had laughed thinking I was in fear of dying but I was really in fear of living. I didn't want to live anymore, especially after this. I didn't deserve to anyway.

Despite myself I would find myself clutching leaves or leaning against the tree I was chained to, trying desperately to find comfort in the nature. I would like to imagine it was Ponyboy there to comfort me like he used to every night in the church out in Windrixville. How he would hold me for warmth and relaxation. I would let myself dream and think 'what if?' just like he does; but the damp leaves and the rough tree bark were nothing like Pony's soft skin and sweet scent. I would let myself be numb and cold, way past emotional penetration. I found it was better that way, being dark and empty, it didn't hurt as much, but I would always be pulled back out so I could get my daily dose of abuse.

Sometimes I would go completely delirious and think I had been in these woods my whole life, that I belonged here or that I didn't know where I was and I was lost but I would always be set straight by the small voice in the back of my mind. It would repeat this every time I lost my sanity. I knew where I was. I deserved to be in this place. This was a place for boys who displeased their parents and upset their friends. This was Hell. My captors were merely messengers who helped me play out my sentence. The thing I need to do was thank them for giving me a piece of mind and maybe ask for more but every time they came back, I begged them to stop. I was sinful and shallow because I couldn't take the pain that was punishment for all the wrong things I've done.

Murderer, being a lousy son, being queer… The list of my faults went on for miles. I was an ugly monster who only had pain as the highlights in my life because I was scum and that's what scum gets. I would tell myself the same thing every morning at dawn when the strangers arrived: I deserved the burns on my back. I deserved my fingernails ripped off my hands. I deserved my hair being slashed off. I deserved my ankles being broken. I deserved words that described me to be carved into my skin forever. And there was no going back because I was so vile, so hideous there was no hope for me. I would die here alone like I was meant to. I would be executed like I should have been so long ago after killing that boy.

I remembered when I came up with the theory 'stay gold'. I now scoffed and laughed bitterly at that impossible scenario. I remember Ponyboy and the whole gang saying I was the most golden out of everyone. I had blushed at the time but now I know I should've denied it and set them straight. Nothing could ever stay gold; nothing was ever gold in the first place. Life was gray, not gold or green, it was all just a whole bunch of lies. I knew this now and I knew that Ponyboy had it right the first time.

Nothing gold can stay.

**Ponyboy's POV**

I looked down at my plate of eggs bitterly as I pushed them around with a fork. I couldn't eat them. I was starving, but I couldn't eat them. Every time I would bring food to my lips I would think of Johnny. I would picture him out somewhere cold, alone, and hurt. I would think about how he probably hasn't eaten for days, I would think about how it was my fault. This made me nauseous and I would put the food back down and push the plate away.

I couldn't sleep either. I would always dream about blood, chains and the woods. It was bizarre and terrifying and at first I passed it off as my imagination overrunning but they wouldn't go away and I started to worry. I started avoiding sleep. I would stay awake and read or watch the news but after a while I lost interest in that too, so I would just stare at the window hoping Johnny would come loping up the walkway to the door. But that never happened.

I was sitting at the dining room table now, still plowing my breakfast around in circles on the dish, half awake because my head hurt and I've started a bad habit of insomnia. I looked up at Sodapop who was sitting across from me, searching the news paper for his missing person report he submitted for Johnny. After a while he growled and slammed the paper down on the table. My body started to shake in anguish because I knew what that meant.

Darry was in the living room watching the morning news waiting eagerly for them to report the missing Johnny Cade as requested but when I heard the loud groan and my oldest brother came stomping into the kitchen, read faced and angry, I knew those people hadn't kept their promise. Tears started to fill my eyes because I knew we might never find Johnny and it was my fault.

"It's my fault." I blurted out as tears started to run down my face. My quivering voice sliced through the tense like a steak knife and both of my brother's heads snapped up in unison.

Sodapop got up and walked over to me. He started to rub circles on my back. "What are you talking about Pone?" His voice was gentle and soothing.

I looked up at his blurry face through my tears. "It's my fault Johnny's missing. It's my fault he ran away!" I didn't care about all the things I was about to admit but I had to get this off my chest.

"What do you mean Ponyboy?" Sodapop was confused, I could tell. "Why would you think that?"

I gulped in a breath and summoned all the courage I had. "He told me he loved me. And I'm stupid."

Soda's mouth hung open for a moment as did Darry's. "Whoa, you mean Johnny's…" Soda trailed off unsure of how to put it.

"Gay." I finished for him. "And so am I." They both continued to stare at me. "He told me he loved me and I was too slow and he took the wrong way and ran. He th-thinks… I'm…I'm disgusted with him. Don't hate me you guys, but I love him too…" I burst into tears again and my throat constricted and sobs escaped my lips loudly.

Soda pulled me up and hugged me to his chest. I could feel Darry's big hand rubbing my neck comfortingly. "It's okay Pony." Darry said, I knew he was talking about me being gay. "It's not your fault." I knew he was trying to comfort me about Johnny being missing but I didn't believe him. I knew better.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**Ponyboy's POV**

I pumped my legs faster as I ran down my neighborhood street. I could feel sweat running down my back and neck, I could feel it sticking to my thighs. I started running every day since Johnny went missing, the sweat and the exertion was what I needed to try and shake things off. Five times around the block was my usual errand and I was finishing my fifth when I noticed something coming from the top of the trees behind my house.

There was a murky black cloud emerging and looming over the woods behind my back yard. I thought that was weird. Could there actually be forest fires in Tulsa? I started to walk toward the foliage of thicket behind my house when I saw Steve and Sodapop sitting on the front porch.

"Were ya goin' Pony?" Soda asked, smiling at me as always. I didn't reply, just motioned for them to follow me. They both look confused but they got up and started to walk with me.

I knew I might have been over reacting but I was curious and I didn't like that smoke. I knew if I didn't go and investigate it would pollute my mind just like it pollutes the sky. I pushed branched out of the way as my feet crunched leaves and broke twigs as the smell of burning debris hit my nostril. I started to quicken my pace toward the smoke. I didn't like that smoke. I didn't like it at all.

As I got closer and closer the consistency of the mysterious smoke thickened and the smell got stronger and I could hear the crackled of burning wood. That's when I realized this was a man made fire which made me even more apprehensive than before. Why would someone want to start a fire out here? I walked faster as my curiosity heightened and my dislike for the strong black mist grew. My sixth sense told me to run back and get more help, somebody stronger than me but something else was pulling toward the mysterious crackle faster and faster until I could see bright orange. The flames whipped out with lethal strength in multiple directions. The fire jagged hazardously down the forest floor about five feet wide. My stomach turned into ice as I took in the burning blue and angry red of the inferno in front of me.

I heard footsteps and motioned for Steve and Soda to hide behind the bushes I was at. That's when I saw them. Two tall men. They were thick with muscle, wearing all black and ski masks. One walked in front of the other, holding a chain that was dragging something small and limp on the ground, the one behind was kicking it. I could hear them laughing hysterically. Loud, ugly, guttural laughing that made me feel nauseous. They took the dark object to the flames the man from behind gave it one last kick before the other man yanked the chain up pulling the dark lump off the ground by the neck. And there it was…!

"No…" I could vaguely hear Soda and Steve gasping next to me but it could've been my imagination. I don't exactly remember what happened; I was almost unconscious but still awake.

"No…No… NO!" Every vein, artery and capillary inside of my body seemed to explode and freeze as my heart turned into the wings of a humming bird inside of my chest. My muscles tensed painfully as fire rippled up every ligament and tendon in every joint of my physiology as they locked then sprang. I pounced out of the bushes and into the inferno with fury I didn't know any being on earth was capable of. My senses were working overtime and my feet were moving fast than ever before as I ran across to the other side of the fire.

I heard the faint clanking of Steve and Soda's switchblades being acquired and the devil holding the leash that was strapped onto my everything proceeded to drop my world into the fire. The blood curdling screams that filled the air in the next second seemed to ensue the shattering of my life in the feeble battered hands of the agonized creature emitting those desperate, pain induced noises. Battle cries erupted around me when I saw my brother and his best friend attacking the two demons and stabbing at them before those two monsters had a chance to realize what was happening.

I ran to the flames and leapt in, not caring what happened anymore, just wanting to make the angel stop screaming like it was. The fire seemed like ice when it licked my forearms and wrapped around my calves. I reached out and grabbed the small being; whose cries had quieted grimly in the middle of everything, and ran. I ran back to the clearing of my back yard with the lethal strength my endocrine system still pumped from my pancreas to every nook and cranny it could cram itself into. I ran past the screams that told me to wait or stop to the old Chevy truck parked out front. I yanked the front door open thanking God that the keys were still in the ignition. I slide in, laying Johnny's head in my lap, making the pick-up roar to life.

I didn't care I was driving illegally, I didn't care I was running red lights and I didn't care that loud sirens screamed at me from behind, following me. All I cared about was the boy lying in my lap who was fighting for life but also unconsciousness, hardly achieving one and wishing for the other. There was so much pain he was in, I knew, he hoped for the darkness that would stop it all but he couldn't seem to catch it.

Johnny's eyes rolled around in their sockets. "Ponyboy?" How he knew it was me I didn't know, he just did.

I pushed blood matted hair off of his forehead, taking in his appearance. Looking at him I wondered how he had survived. There were bloody cuts in patterns all over him, the left leg of his pants was charred and there was so much more I couldn't name. "Yeah Johnny, it's me. You're gonna be okay, I promise."

I say this loud enough for him to but it's like he doesn't hear me, he just continues to stare off into space and whisper my name like a chant. "Ponyboy… Pony… Pon-y…"

I look down at him and seethe. Sodapop and Steve better have killed those sons-of-bitches who did this to my Johnnycake!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**Ponyboy's POV**

The brakes of the family truck screeched and announced my arrival as I pulled into the hospital, directly in front of the entrance. I could still hear the police sirens screaming at me but I didn't pay attention, I just carried Johnny into the hospital and screamed for someone to help. People started to run at me with a gurney and monitors and medicines. And something just _snapped._ It was all a haze, I couldn't focus on one thing and I couldn't understand what anyone was saying to me. It's like they weren't speaking English.

The next thing I knew a man decked out in scrubs took Johnny from my arms and two arms were pulling me out of the hospital lobby out to the parking lot. There was red and blue lights flashing in my eyes. Sirens and roars and screeches muffled my ears. I didn't understand what was happening. Where was Johnny? He had been with me just a second ago. Did I just imagine it?

Something was pushing me across the parking lot but I couldn't walk right. I stumbled and fell a couple of times but something always yanked me back up by my shirt. My head was throbbing and my stomach churned. Nothing seemed right. The air seemed too cold yet I was sweating, my clothes seemed too tight yet they hung loosely off of me. I couldn't focus because everything was moving too fast. My senses were in slow motion and I didn't understand what was pushing me and where it was leading me so I was surprised when I was slammed against the hood of the police car. The cuffs seemed to appear on my wrists and it was like I just ended up in the back seat of the screaming vehicle.

The blurred city that zoomed by the windows seemed foreign, I didn't recognize it. All I could process was that I was in trouble and wonder where Johnny was.

All these events could've taken hours to happen but it seemed like just a flash to me. A quick blurry vision the struck me painfully. What seemed like seconds after I got in the car, I was shoved into a cage filled with faceless strangers. I settled on the floor and leaned against the wall of the cage, hoping the wait would be as short as everything else had been.

**Sodapop's POV**

The vision of Johnny on a chain, broken and burning would be scarred in my mind forever, I knew. I also knew Ponyboy had seen much more and he would be changed forever. The way he had screamed and ran was terrifying to see him so upset. I had never seen someone so infuriated in my life.

The rest of the gang and me were now in Two-bit's pulling into the parking lot of the hospital. I saw our Chevy parked in the front, abandoned. At least Ponyboy made it here in one piece.

We walked into the lobby of the emergency room and Dally lead us all to the reception desk.

"May I help you?" The woman asked. She was stout and looked hateful; I already wanted to ring her neck.

"Johnny Cade." Dally stated plainly. "Where is he?"

The woman took her sweet time flipping through the documents in each file cabinet.

"No take your time." Two-but spat sarcastically. "We have all the time in the world."

The women looked at us begrudgingly and loped back to her chair where she flopped back down. She sighed as if she was being terribly over worked.

"There is no one here by the name of _Johnny Cade."_ The hatefulness was so tangible in her voice; I put a hand on Steve's shoulder to keep her from pouncing on her.

Dally's voice was almost lethally dripping with venom when he talked. "I know he's here. He's a small boy, with dark skin. He was really banged up and a tall lanky kid, with bleach blonde brought take you somewhere where no can hear you and beat the shit out of you, like you deserve."

The women look shook and I think she knew, as well as everyone else, that if she didn't give Dally what he wanted, he would keep his promise.

"They took the dark haired kid to room 101, but you can't visit him because he's about to go into surgery. He looked pretty bad." She looked at us with new alertness, finally realizing the clenched fists. "The blonde kid was taken away by the police but no one knows why. They didn't bother to tell us."

With that Dally lead the gang to the waiting room, muttering "Dumb bitch..." on the way. Everyone sat down but me because I knew what was coming.

"Take the truck and go bail Ponyboy." Darry advised tiredly. "The police will understand when you tell them the cause. And I know Ponyboy wants to be here."

So I drove to the jailhouse and told the story, skillfully dancing around the Soc problem without slipping about anything that happened in the woods, I knew they wouldn't believe me.

When I went to the communal cell and spotted Pony I winced slightly. He didn't look sad or mad, he looked… dead. He was totally blank. When I got him out, he didn't seem happy or thankful to be out; he just mutely got up and followed me to the truck. The ride was silent too, all I could hear was his heavy, shuddering breaths. I thought he would cry but when I looked at him his eyes were as hard as steel. He looked like a total different person and I knew I had it right. Ponyboy was never going to be the same again.

All I could do was hope Johnny pulled through. Because if Johnny didn't make it, neither would Ponyboy.

**Review please!**


	6. Alert

I'm looking for someone to beta this story so I can re-upload an edited one.

I read through all of my stories including Missing, In Memory and More Than Admiration and, in time, I'd like to finish them. When I was reading I was embarrassed by all of my typos and grammar errors. I would like to post the stories that are easier for my readers to read.

If you are interested in being a beta and getting a sneak peek, comment and I will start emailing you chapters. I would like to get Missing out of the way first, but, I don't know, it really depends on what request I get first.

Thank you!

-Janie


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